~air mata ku jatuh berguguran~

sy membawa diri balik ke TAMPIN..actually frusterated yg amat sgt..ntah r..dunno how i feel..mcm feeling less pun ader..so buat keputusan utk mebawa diri pulang ke kampung halaman..i think dis time..family was the right person to meet..eventho diorg pun takde cure utk hati yg agak terluka nie.....

he is not coming back....my LOQMANHAKIM is not coming back

its was the fact dat i have to face..after berangau2 yang i'm going to spend the whole weekend bersama2 dia sbb he's saying dat dia will sign off kat PD...but suddenlly...herm...opis tarik balik notis yg sepatutnya dia akan off tue utk 1 more week.....betul jer 1 more week..if lg lama?... poor my other half....masih lg terngiang kat telinga dat he's saying.."syg..hubby sign off esok sbnrnya..i'm waiting for u here esok k...dun be rush tau"....still mcm terbyg2 the way he's packing his thing dat night while talking to me in the phone....and i dunno how excited i am...mlm tue blk keje lambat sbb hope that esok nya bley cabut awal utk pg amik dia kat PD...mlm tue jumpa fate pun muka angau..pipi nie naik jerk sbb over happy..sampai fate ckp geli giler tgk muka angau tue...yer r...i've been waiting for almost 8 months k..and just want to spend a few days with him before he flying back to MIRI.....

then esok nya...he 's saying dat..dia tak dpt balik..maybe balik kat thailand..it a MAYBE.....herm...i burst out tiba2..maybe sbb dh berharap sgtkan..air mata nie dh tahan lg dh..mencurah2 jer keluar...sorry b..i dont mean to make you more sad...but i cant control myself a bit.. i noe i shouldnt do dat sbb tue akan buatkan dia rasa bersalah......i have to be strong..but dis time mcm tak bley handle.....

he keep on saying "sabar k syg..juz a lil bit jer lg..kat thailand balik r.. a week jer lg..wait for me k".....but how if dia ttp tak blk..so i have to wait for a very long time lg?....then i'm crying again....*i'll waiting for you no matter how long it takes*..........ptg tue rs mcm takde hala tuju sgt...tak tau nk gi buka puasa kat mane....nak buat aper...becoz i've plan everything before and tiba2 tak jd...balik rumah then crying again sbb tgk beg yg d siap di packing yg perlu di unpack again....fate keep on text me asking if i'm alrite.....alongariff and fiena also called me asking the same question.....i'm a bit down jgak but with all these people around me make me feel more stronger to face the reality...

he keep on text me to comfort me eventho dia pun mcm org tak betul jgak...i feel guilty buat dia mcm tue....dia berharap yg dia akan balik kat thailand nnt..yup..i hope dats also..and i'll be happy for him walaupun i noe dat if dia balik kat thailand i'm not going to see him until after raya unless he will be coming here to KL....yer r..if dia balik kat thai..better he take a flight to MIRI sbb raya pun dh dekat sgt and flight ticket from kl to miri maybe dh not available during dat time.....he has to go back to his family...his parents dh lg lama tak jumpa dia berbanding azie nie....so tak bley pentingkan diri sendiri....nie pun keputusan yg sgt susah utk dihadapi..but what can i do..siapa lah diri ini utk menakluki sepnuhnya diri dia....syukur sgt2 sbb dah diberi peluang utk berbuka puasa bersama2 dia hari tue...at least kurang sket rindu yg sarat di hati nie...

*hubby...praying the best for you...be strong as u can...u will be home soon k....then sooner we will be together again k.....be strong for me and hold me tight...i'm not going to berputus asa and waiting for you to come back...i'm use of this waiting game....my pray..my love..my loyalty owez with you...*

Doakan lah hati ini tabah dan kuat.......AMIN...